Me: Wanna play the 3 things story game?
AB: How? O.o
Me: I/you name 3 things and the other has to craft a story with them.
Me: Hokai. An oriental rug, toothpaste and Asia. GO
AB: Once upon a time in Asia, which was the Richardson’s pet yellow lab, a biscuit was lost amongst the roadkill tribes of the lower intestine. The Pillsbury dough boy was beside himself with worry. So he took a tube of toothpaste, shoved it down Asia’s throat, and watched the biscuit, among massive amounts of bile, burst forth onto an oriental rug. END
Me: Aahahahahahaha, beautiful!
AB: J Thank ya. Your turn: blue jeans, a mustache, and sushi.
Me: The great Mustache Temple of the Western tribe was once a sacred place only the mustachioed could enter. Then the Feminist tribe said that was misogyny and said they’d destroy it if they allow women in as well. So the Western tribe said they’d allow women who wore nothing but blue jeans, as to keep to the western traditions. So that’s how things are at the Mustache Temple. Meanwhile, leagues under the sea, a lobster was waddling along, eating dead things, as he usually did around 4 pm on a Thursday. All of a sudden he had an epiphany. The lobster wasn’t sure if it was the old boot he was nibbling on or the particular way the krill were dancing about that afternoon, but he now knew the secrets of the universe. And with this he knew it was the boot hitting his digestive system, giving him the wisdom of the land dwellers and beyond. The crustacean thirsted to know of this land world he saw in his mind and began a swift course for the surface. Larry’d never been to the surface before (he’d just decided to name himself Larry for the knower of all things ought to have a proper name) but found he was not afraid. He knew what he’d find. What Larry didn’t know was how the land dwellers ate his kind and how he had just swam into a lobster catching net. Even the knower of all things would have to learn the cruelty of fine dining. Larry also didn’t know he was just off the coast of southern Japan, and would be sushi to the leader of the Southern tribe in just a few short hours. One day the Southern and Western tribe decided to have a meeting and see what they could learn from one another, and it just happened to be this day. So they met in the middle on a fishing boat and shared much wisdom over their Larry sushi. The end.
AB: I wish you could hear my applause J
Bestest Buddy: Hey, wassup?
Me: Wanna play a game?
BB: What’s the game?
Me: I name three things and you make up a story using them!
BB: Go on.
Me: Toe nails, umbrellas and sugar babies. GO
BB: Once upon a time there was a girl named Bathezolamewla. She would have been the most beautiful girl in all the land, but alas, she had toe nails like machetes. It was gross and so she was ignored, and the most lovely girl was found to be Amelia, who was so lovely in her pure white lace dress with her white lace umbrella and her little white dog. (The dog’s name was lacey.) Amelia was so lovely, she looked like a delicious white sugary sweet. And so it really wasn’t much of a shock when a tribe of wild sugar babies declared her their queen. She lived and ruled happily in their jungle for many years. The end.
Me: But what happened to poor Bathezolamewla?!
BB: YOU TELL ME. (Shampoo bottle, tangerine, tuba.)
Me: Bathesolamewla decided to search for a cure for her hideous toe nails. She didn’t feel she had to rule the sugar babies but it’d be nice if they’d at least look at her. So she set out across the globe on her search. Along the way she spoke to many scientists and doctors and other such important people. She admired her intelligence and asked each their secret to such brain power. They had a variety of answers but each one had just one th8ing in common. Tangerines. They all ate a ton of tangerines. Also school and stuff but mainly tangerines. On her trek she also found out no one had any interest in toes, their nails, or how to fix them. So she went home and looked around her house for some kind of remedy. What she found was some shampoo, Epsom salts, and toe nail clippers. She went to work. First, she gingerly washed her deformed nails with the shampoo. She kept the empty shampoo bottle for she would miss her toe nails the way they had always been. But what needed to be done needed to be done, and this had become her mantra. She then set to work cutting, snipping, and beautifying her toes. As she worked, she chomped down on a tangerine peel to deal with the pain. As a montage of images plays of her sawing, and reforming her toe nails, a tuba plays majestically. After a solid week of hard work, she went out into the world. Specifically to the pretty lady with the band of sugar babies. They all ooed and awed. The pretty lady gave her an honorary plastic surgeon certificate and now she travels the world, with help from the doctors she met previously, fixing people’s ailments. And eating lots of tangerines.
BB: I love you.
However, I think I’m great. So I don’t get it.